February 1, 2008

My life seems to be going through a phase of contraction at the moment. The previous five years or so have been a huge expansion and probably I went too far too soon and now I’m consequently turning more inward. After being involved in various radio activities and the anti-GE movement my focus has now pretty much closed down to work and family. Astute readers will also have noticed that my blog posts have become erratic and often far apart. 

Aside from what is probably a natural tendency to withdraw after pouring out a great deal of my energy I’m also struggling to give my kids what they need at the moment. Having a full time job isn’t helping but essentially it’s the old nuclear family hell thing going on. I still think I’m giving them a better chance to be themselves than most kids get but as a fully domesticated human I find it increasingly difficult to cope with my ‘wild’ children.

I suppose someone reading my old posts might think that I have a good handle on parenting but the truth of the matter is that I find myself in daily combat with my kids. I don’t have the energy to cope with behaviour which is basically their civilisation-coping mechanism and the more stressed I get the more I start to parent like my parents did. Sometime it gets so bad that I pull back a ways but what’s happening is still a long way from my kids really need – although it’s also a lot better than they would have got if I hadn’t found books like The Continuum Concept.

Sara said along time back that the main difference between her and other mothers is that she doesn’t rationalise her behaviour to her kids. Hopefully her (and our) kids will get through childhood without the usual emotional confusion – even it looks tumultuous at the time.

Every parent wants their kids to have what they didn’t have and it’s true for me too – I want them to be able to express themselves and not be as emotionally straight jacketed as I am. 

So for now I will attempt to endure my five year old’s expressions of ‘not-rightness’ without having to fully domesticate her. The one thing I won’t be doing anymore though is criticising mainstream parents because doing things this way is damn hard and I can’t now blame anyone for doing what it takes to survive this stage of their children’s lives. 

Perhaps my grandchildren will be blessed with parents who can cope with their undomesticated nature.


One comment

  1. During these 5 years of living with kids I have had so many “reality check” experiences (I prefer ‘conditioned experience’ to reality when referencing civilized culture), and I, too, no longer feel as critical of mainstream parents. At least, I’ve gained more compassion for them. My ideals still strive toward the continuum concept, but I no longer beat myself up about not making that reality.

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