the answer to everything

December 16, 2006

As you can tell from the previous post I’ve been out of contact for a while and I’ve only now seen the comments on Ran’s blog about that awful therapist who reccomends that couples stop being nice to each other in order to improve theier sex lives. As far as I can tell this is just another case of trying to find a solution within the confines of civilisation. Without the understading that our needs can not be met living in a nuclear family this sort of thing is going to keep happening.As regards this particular issue I remember a discussion on the continuum-concept list about how the fact that the men and women of the Yequanna tribe spent most of their day apart and led quite different lives. One person commented that this must help maintain the sense of mystery between couples. Beyond that though a person living in a functioning tribe wouldn’t expect their partner to be everything for them and meet all their needs in the absurd way we do in our culture. They wouldn’t expect it and they wouldn’t need it because they would have close relationships with a good number of people.

The reaons this psychologist’s advice actually works though is because by getting away from being totally nice to each other we’re able to vent all the resentments that have built up from living so close  and once those feelings are gone we’re able to get back in touch with the feelings of attraction that are still lurking somewhere beneath the surface.

Naturally I don’t agree with the idea that children should be relegated in importance so that the parent’s can get their sex lives back. It’s no surprise that this idea is common in our culture but some therapists just need to grow up.


One comment

  1. I guess this is why people rave about make-up sex and conjugal visit sex and sex in public places. Anything to get our wheels out of the rut, I suppose. But what happens after you’ve treated your partner like crap for a few years? Maybe treating them nicely would make it good again? I’ll tell you man, the shit we obsess over, eh?

    Posted by: Frank Black | 12/17/2006

    How weird we are, we obsess about this sort of thing because we have no real needs (food, water, warmth, etc) to worry about – are we unhappy because we have nothing serious to worry about? or are we unhappy because we’re not allowed to talk about the things that really make us unhappy? thereby forcing us to create false worries to put our angst into.

    Posted by: Aaron | 12/19/2006

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